It’s been over a week since my last diary entry, which is mostly down to my brain feeling like its full of 104 other things. Kind of ironic, given the purpose of most diaries and journals is to vent these feelings, but instead I’ve chosen to spend even more time than usual on the sofa watching Disney+ and Netflix.
Last week I found out I was going to be making full use of the government’s furlough scheme and stopping work from 8th May until (apparently) the 1st July – whether that will be the case, time can only tell. I’ve been at my job for close to three and a half years, with the longest time away being just in March this year for my honeymoon – so wrapping my head around a world with no work has taken a while to adjust to.
But it only takes a glance back at these past diary entries to see what I’ll be filling my time with – namely; reading, novel writing, fiction writing studying, baking and – a recent addition – running. Actually sounds quite dreamy, doesn’t it.
As of today, 1st May, I’m aiming to run 50k throughout May. Starting with a little 3.5k this morning, so only 46.5k to go…!
Even though I’m quite into a good living room workout, overall less movement from walking/steps and more frequent snacking on delicious yet more calorific things has meant I’m not particularly impressed with what I see before me in my mirror.
I get it, there’s more important things to be worried about at this current moment, but gaining the pounds in lockdown is relatively high on my personal list of concerns.
My sister has kindly loaned me her Audible account for May so I can get lost in a novel whilst running. I’m the kind of runner that suffers from mental blockers more than physical fitness ones – ie, I get bored and go home rather than hit exhaustion levels and have to stop. My run this morning listening to my chosen novel was a success – I didn’t struggle at all really, and didn’t stop once. so its a fairly good sign that this will keep me motivated and on track throughout 50k May.
I am genuinely grateful for these things, but I am finding that I’m in the category of people who are feeling worried and anxious about adjusting back to real life.
I can’t even remember it. The pressure of waking up early, having lots of social plans and less time to do things I want to do and achieve is seriously present, and it’s getting overwhelming at times. I almost feel like I’m not ready for lockdown to end, which is strange I know.
It will most likely take me the best part of a year to adjust back to going to Aldi without thinking twice about germs and being near other people.
I’m just trying to remind myself of how anxious I felt at the prospect of lockdown, and so it should be the same pattern when reversing it. One day at a time…
Chat soon x